Looking for another excuse to pick up your chainsaw and start working on some outdoorsy projects like making a wooden garden bench or cutting down that troublesome tree in your back yard? Well, do we have an excuse for you: instant popularity among members of the opposite sex. Nothing holds more appeal than a Chainsaw Cassanova, a DIY Don Juan, a Come-Hither Carpenter (we could keep going with these all day). In honor of Valentine’s Day, we thought we’d go off the beaten path a little and provide some inspiration in the form of five famous lumberjacks who were a big hit with the ladies:
1. Paul Bunyan
The number one spot on this list goes to the iconic lumberjack himself. This literal giant of American folklore first emerged from stories told in lumbercamp bunkhouses that involved superhuman exploits like taming the Whistling River and breaking up a 200-foot log jam with Babe, his blue ox. Want to know how manly Paul Bunyan was? He combed his beard with a pine tree. He also said fun things like, “By jingo!” and “Jiminy!” The great Mr. Bunyon is less-widely recognized as a forerunner of the 90’s grunge fashion movement:
With a look like that, you can guarantee that his blue ox wasn’t the only Babe who followed him around.
2. Jos Montferrand
You may not have heard of Jos, but apparently he’s a pretty big deal in Ottowa Valley. This lumberjack, log driver, and raftsman was a real-life figure who quickly became the stuff of increaingly exaggerated legends after his death. He has been written about, sculpted and painted by countless artists, and in 1992 Canada officially put him on a stamp. Plus, there’s this:
We don’t even know what he’s doing there, but it looks pretty tough.
3. The Brawny Paper Towel Guy
Due to the ever-shifting landscape of branding, there are actually two Brawny paper towel men. The man on the left got the axe (pun intended) back in 2004, and we don’t want to speculate but we’re thinking that his eerie resemblance to Tom Selleck was probably what did him in. He has since been replaced by the man on the right:
Brand leaders at Brawny wanted the new Brawny man to show off his softer side; because paper towels aren’t just about strength, they’re also about softness, get it? Truly a lesson for us all. And while we’re on the subject of the Brawny paper towel man, let’s look to his counterpart from The Simpsons:
4. The Burly Man
This spot-on parody of the Brawny man was only featured in a single episode of The Simpsons, but it quickly became an iconic moment for the show. In the episode, Marge accidentally buys the wrong brand of towels – Burly – and falls in love with the man on the packaging. Capable of inspiring the adoration of every woman in the fictional town of Springfield, the Burly man is truly one of the lumberjack greats.
5. Daniel Boone
This picture in no way represents what the real-life Daniel Boone looked like, but we’ll give it a pass for getting the coonskin cap right. He’s also not technically a lumberjack, but given his impressive resume of outdoor skills, we’re guessing he could easily add tree-felling to his list. Like Jos Montferrand, Boone was a real-life person who became the stuff of legend after his death; numerous stories and TV shows have since been written in his honor, along with the requisite array of sculptures and paintings. There are even inscriptions on trees, now preserved in historical societies, that commerate moments like this one: “D. Boon Kilt a Bar, 1803.” Anyone who can kilt a bar is clearly not someone you should mess with.
Inspired? Then give your chainsaw engine a once-over, don your best plaid shirt, and get out there. They’ll be featuring you on paper towel packaging in no time!